tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21340776105470473272024-02-20T11:12:22.550-08:00(Mostly) Rejected by McSweeney'sEvery submission I've made to Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency, whether accepted or rejected.stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-86149721334871048422008-03-15T09:09:00.000-07:002008-04-01T19:00:50.450-07:00{List}Little-Known Super Mario Enemies.Koopa Trumpa<br /><br />Roomba<br /><br />Browser<br /><br />Chain Letter Chomp<br /><br />Piranha Pot Plant<br /><br />Ring around the collar<br /><br />The Joker<br /><br />Osama bin Laden<br /><br />Poor hygiene<br /><br />Gargamel<br /><br />Himself<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted March 4, 2008<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-55689872108164029282008-02-04T17:33:00.000-08:002008-02-04T17:37:28.526-08:00{List}Rejected "Ice Ice Baby" Lyrics.If there was a problem, yo I'll take it<br />Check out the beat while my DJ re-breaks it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll mute it<br />Check out the claim while my DJ refutes it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll quell it<br />Check out the myth while my DJ retells it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll rock it<br />Check out the box while my DJ restocks it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll file it<br />Check out the phone while my DJ redials it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll crack it<br />Check out the light while my DJ refracts it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll work it<br />Check out the store while my DJ re-clerks it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll log it<br />Check out the drain while my DJ reclogs it<br /><br />If there was a problem, yo I'll sweat it<br />Check out my act while my DJ regrets it<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted January 28, 2008<br />rejected:<br />"I'm afraid I'm going to pass on this one. By this point Vanilla Ice is a parody of a parody of a parody wrapped up in a parody. Thanks for the look. Hope you'll try us again some time."</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-81476828144129629032008-01-07T22:25:00.000-08:002008-01-10T15:20:18.965-08:00{List}Extended Verses for 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas'.We wish you a Merry Christmas,<br />And a happy New Year!<br /> <br />Now bring us some figgy pudding,<br />And a cup of good cheer.<br /> <br />We won't go until we get some,<br />So bring some out here.<br /> <br />We'll sleep here until you make some, <br />And we'll drink all your beer.<br /> <br />We'll take everybody hostage,<br />Our demands are sincere.<br /> <br />We'll kill people if we need to,<br />And you'll all live in fear.<br /> <br />The cops have us all surrounded, <br />And they're in heavy gear. <br /> <br />They've sent a negotiatior,<br />But she sounds insincere.<br /> <br />We'll ask for a helicopter,<br />And a flight path that's clear.<br /> <br />Their snipers are in position <br />In the front and the rear.<br /><br />They just shot us through the window,<br />Right above our left ear.<br /><br />I drop dead without that pudding,<br />And that cup of good cheer.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted December 20, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-87878765871781157222007-10-23T20:42:00.001-07:002007-10-24T19:01:05.463-07:00{List}Inspirational Sports Movies in a Dessert-Based WorldCool Whip Runnings<br /> <br />We Are Marshmallow<br /> <br />Rocky (Road)<br /> <br />The Cookie<br /> <br />Cherry Tarts of Fire<br /> <br />Field of Dreamsicles<br /> <br />Remember the Pie Tins<br /> <br />Scoop Dreams<br /> <br />Prefondantaine<br /> <br />The Karate Cake<br /> <br />Brian's Sorbet<br /> <br />Bend It Like Bonbon<br /> <br />Fruity Night Lights<br /> <br />Mr. 3000 Calories<br /> <br />Seabiscotti<br /> <br />HoHoosiers<br /> <br />A Lemon Curd of Their Own<br /> <br />Coach Carter<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted October 15, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-60369936242124857752007-05-06T16:39:00.000-07:002007-05-06T17:22:22.906-07:00{List}Proposed First Names for George Foreman's Next Seven ChildrenGeorge<br />George<br />George<br />George<br />George<br />George<br />George<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted March 27, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-78846813691115743602007-03-27T17:30:00.000-07:002007-03-27T17:35:42.776-07:00{List}Track Listings for the "Gilmore Girls" Soundtrack1. Where You Lead (opening theme) 3:20<br /><br />2. La La La La, La La La La 2:15<br /><br />3. La La-la La La-la La La-la 1:20<br /><br />4. La La, La La La-la, La La 2:02<br /><br />5. La La La La La La 3:19<br /><br />6. La-la La-la, La-la La 3:06<br /><br />7. La La La La-la 1:59<br /><br />8. La-la-la-la, La La, La La 2:32<br /><br />9. La La La La, La La La La (reprise) 1:13<br /><br />10. Coming Up Next, on the New CW :30<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted March 10, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-42084081603686227012007-03-18T17:06:00.000-07:002007-05-06T17:22:51.318-07:00{New Food Review}Orbit Mint Mojito GumSometimes I think that food makers have gone too far when trying to combine flavors in unique ways. Sure, we had, "Your chocolate ran into my peanut butter," back in the 70's; we attempted to swallow Cragmont Chocolate Mint soda in the 80's; and the 90's gave us Tropicana Twisters with strange new fruit blends that "could lead to dancing." In the new millenium, however, things started to get out of control. Chocolate-coated Altoids. Blazin' Buffalo Doritos. Aruba Jam Sprite. Orbit Mint Mojito Gum. <br /><br />When I saw Orbit Mint Mojito in the local Snak Atak store today, I realized that I didn't even know what a mojito is. The little illustration on the package showed a couple of mint leaves playfully concealing what looked like half of a lime. After recently rejecting (eschewing?) other recent fruit-mint combinations of chewing gum, I decided that this was the day to try it. At first smelling like Fruit Stripe, the first stick tasted far different than that gum of my childhood memories. This gum tasted like a mop bucket full of floor cleaner that's just been used at Santa's candy cane factory. The last time I'd smelled anything like this was at a hotel that I had booked through, appropriately enough, Orbitz. The cleaning crews had been making their way down the hall, and my wife and I had overheard their conversation as we passed by. I could've sworn we heard the word "mojito" in there, spoken with a sneer.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted March 8, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-22036013677555413382007-02-22T16:43:00.000-08:002007-05-06T17:22:22.907-07:00{List}Increasingly Ridiculous Names for Hair SalonsA HEAD OF ITS TIME<br /><br />THE HAIRPORT<br /><br />A CUT ABOVE<br /><br />HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW<br /><br />SHEAR DELIGHTS<br /><br />LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS<br /><br />RUMORZ OF DEZIGN<br /><br />CURL UP AND DYE<br /><br />SCISSORS PALACE<br /><br />SPLITT ENDZZ<br /><br />EX-SALON-CE<br /><br />ORANGE COUNTY CHOPPERS<br /><br />MULLET OVER<br /><br />FOLLI-COOL<br /><br />CH-CH-CH-CHIA!<br /><br />ONE INDIVIDUAL HAIR AT A TIME<br /><br />SCHOOL FOR THE BLIND BEAUTY SALON<br /><br />BILL'S LANDSCAPING SERVICE<br /><br />PRISONER WORK RELEASE PROGRAM BARBER SHOP<br /><br />WE'LL CUT YOUR HAIR FOR A DOLLAR, BUT YOU WON'T LIKE IT<br /><br />JESUS ON THE MANE LINE<br /><br />YOUR CRAZY UNCLE WHO EATS HAIR<br /><br />CHUCK E. CHEESE<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted February 15, 2007<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-80941938080270334372006-08-07T16:57:00.000-07:002007-10-24T19:01:49.042-07:00{List}What the "It" Refers to in Gatorade's "Is It in You?" CampaignWater<br /><br />Sucrose syrup <br /><br />Glucose-fructose syrup <br /><br />Citric acid <br /><br />Natural and artificial flavors <br /><br />Salt <br /><br />Sodium citrate <br /><br />Monopotassium phosphate <br /><br />Ester gum <br /><br />Sucrose acetate isobutyrate <br /><br />Yellow 5<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted June, 2006<br /><a href="http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/4StanW.Kost.html">published August 4, 2006</a></em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2134077610547047327.post-90237524356774698342006-03-08T16:50:00.000-08:002007-05-06T17:22:22.908-07:00{List}What James Brown Might Have Put it On If He Hadn't Put it On the OneThe four<br /><br />The nine<br /><br />His tab<br /><br />The eight<br /><br />The two<br /><br />The Ritz<br /><br />The seven<br /><br />A train to visit its aunt in Oklahoma<br /><br />The six<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><em>submitted February 11, 2006<br />rejected</em></span>stanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13332368314010617781noreply@blogger.com0